Summer is the season associated with carefreeness, rest and freedom. And yet, for many people it becomes the period when they feel most exposed. Not only because they wear less clothing, but because they feel exposed to the gaze of others. As if there were an invisible mirror on the beach constantly inviting us to evaluate our bodies.
"How do I look?"
"Why are they looking at me?"
"Should I have lost a few more kilos?"
In my office, as a psychologist, I hear these thoughts very often. Every summer, just before the holidays, they become even more intense. The problem, however, is not the summer. The problem is the belief that in order to enjoy the summer we must first acquire the "right" body.
The comparisons that steal the moment
On the beach, something happens almost automatically. Our gaze travels from body to body. It compares. It evaluates. It measures. And it almost always finds something that makes us feel a little "less". Less fit. Less slim. Less beautiful. Less enough. But comparison is a game with no winners. Because there will always be someone we consider more beautiful, slimmer or fitter. And it is just as likely that someone else is comparing themselves with us, believing that we have something they lack. Comparison never leads to acceptance. On the contrary, it distances us from the only experience that has real value: being present in our own lives.
The perfect photograph and the imperfect reality
We live in an era when summer memories seem to require prior approval from the camera. Dozens of shots for one photograph. The "right" pose. The suitable angle. The filter. The editing. And then, the post. Yet behind every image that looks spontaneous often hides a great effort to appear effortless. The problem is not the photographs. The problem begins when we forget that we are comparing our everyday life with other people's best moments. And even more so, when we begin to believe that our worth depends on the "likes" or on how appealing our image is.
Your self-esteem is not determined by the size of your swimsuit
Your self-esteem is not the result of the number on the scales. It is not measured by the circumference of your waist, nor by whether we fit into last summer's clothes. Real self-esteem is born when we can recognise our worth even on the days we do not feel beautiful. When we understand that we are something far more than our external image. We are the relationships we build. We are the difficulties we have overcome. We are the care we offer. We are our kindness. We are our experiences. We are our personality. Our body is our home, not our identity.
Ask yourself... How many summer memories do you remember because you had the "perfect" body at the time? And how many do you remember because you felt joy? Because you laughed until your stomach hurt. Because you dived into the sea without a second thought. Because you hugged people you love. At the end of our lives we will not remember the swimsuit size. We will remember how we felt.
Instead of fighting our body, let us listen to it
We often speak to our body with words we would never say to a person we love. "You are not enough." "You must change." "You do not deserve to be seen like this."
But if our body could answer us, it might say something very different.
"I kept you standing through your difficulties."
"I helped you embrace, walk, travel, dance, laugh."
"I do not exist only to be looked at. I exist to help you live, to be well."
Perhaps, in the end, we owe it a little more gratitude and a little less criticism and oppression.
This year, live a different summer
We do not remember our most beautiful holidays because we had the "ideal" body. We remember them because we laughed until we cried. Because we dived into the sea without checking who was watching. Because we walked barefoot on the sand. Because we hugged people we love. Summer does not ask us to be perfect. It asks us to be present.
Perhaps, then, the most important "preparation" before putting on our swimsuit is not another strict diet or yet another attempt to change our body. Perhaps it is the decision to stop, even for a while, measuring our worth by our image. Because no body needs to become different to deserve a dip in the sea. And no person needs to be perfect to feel free.
This summer I wish you...
Not to count how many calories you consumed, but how many moments you enjoyed. Not to remember how many times you looked critically at your body in the mirror, but how many times you dived into the sea without a second thought.
- To laugh out loud.
- To walk barefoot on the sand.
- To be photographed without wondering whether you "came out well".
- To look at the horizon more than at your phone screen.
And, above all, to remember that your worth is not measured in kilos, in filters or in "likes". It is measured in the way you love, connect, dream and live. Because your body is not a project in need of constant correction. It is the means through which you live your life. It is the home that accompanies you through every moment of your life. And every moment deserves to be lived fully, not when you acquire the "perfect" body, but now. And perhaps this summer is the right moment not to change it, but to truly live it and make peace with your body once and for all!
Registered specialist psychologist, www.drnikosilia.com
