Redux
Every journey circles home
It hardly comes as a surprise that a father was taken into custody after attacking a coach during an Under-12 match. He claimed he reacted to verbal abuse directed at his underage son. The allegations are being investigated, the police are taking statements and the child’s recorded testimony is also expected. It is probably a reflection of the wider situation that prevails in the many football academies for children which otherwise promise fun and teamwork.
I attended my son’s football matches only a handful of times. Apart from not being particularly fond of football, I found the experience unsettling. Perhaps because I could not tell who was the father, who was the coach and who was the referee. Everyone had an opinion. Some were shouting. Mostly it was insults. Directed at their own children, such as “What are you doing? Are you stupid?”. Pressure, anxiety, hysteria. At an age when they are still learning how to tie their shoelaces.
I remember, almost as a kind of trauma, one rainy night when I took him to training. At the time he was playing at the academy of a top division club. Whether because he could train only twice a week or because he was still new, he was not granted the privilege of playing in the main game after the drills.
Along with another child, they were given a ball and told to play on their own, off to the side. There was no supervision, and every so often they would pause to watch the “star players”. If sport is supposed to build self-confidence, I must admit I saw none of it that night. At an age when every child believes -or is made to believe- that they are destined to become the next Ronaldo.
Many people will treat our children unfairly. Many will not even say good morning to them. And it is not personal. The only thing we can truly teach them is how to deal with it. Most of the time, these injustices will become life lessons. They will learn when to stay silent, they will recognise people’s behaviour, they will remember the “unfairness” and later laugh about it, retelling it with pride. What may remain as trauma is the shame of the spectacle your own parent made of you in front of everyone, the image of him being restrained. At an age when he is your role model.
The chances of our children dribbling on the pitch like Ronaldo are minimal. The chances of them following in their father’s footsteps, treating others the way he does, are far greater...