While women are encouraged to speak out and escape abusive relationships, the realities on the ground leave for questionable escape routes. Bogged down by bureaucracy, held back by dangerous ideas and a trust in institutions that’s non-existent, women in need of support are lacking the proper resources to leave abuse, which can lead to their killing, experts warn.
Cyprus recorded 42 femicides in the past decade. The latest unfolded just last month in Paphos, when a man killed his partner in their home. The woman’s teenage son was also injured in an attempt to try and protect his mother.
Susana Pavlou, director at the Mediterranean Institute of Gender Studies, says the figure is quite high when taking into account the population of the country.
“The most dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship is when they try to leave.” Time and time again, statistics have shown that is when the abuse may escalate. It is the most precarious, sensitive and frightening time for the victim.
And precisely why it is so important for the system to properly work.
Frustrations
On the ground, stakeholders find it frustrating that there is poor communication between state services and slow processing times reported when women seek financial assistance.
Skevi Koukouma, former Akel MP who heads the womens’ Pogo movement shares that financial stresses are among the most common for those trying to leave.
“She can leave the abuser and then what? Where will she go? How will she support herself and her kids if she has any?”
Though shelters exist, the timeframe is limited, and sometimes applications for Guaranteed Minimum Income can take months. When women have to pay rent and feed their children, months to wait for money are not always possible.
“If women have a support network, whether that be family or friends that can help financially, it makes things easier, but that’s not always the case.”
In fact, abusers often ostracise their victims from their surrounding support, making them dependent on the abusers - and consequently the state if they try to leave.
Functional systems
Rita Superman, a Disy MP who formerly headed the police anti-trafficking unit says that although there have been vast improvements within the force with now a specialised domestic violence unit, there is still a long way to go.
“State services are not connected with each other. The social welfare service is not connected with that of the police.”
Which means that the coherent communication between these two essential services is not as streamlined as it should ideally be, she underlines.
Police have to inform social services if the victim needs support such as money or a home, but that does not mean that if domestic abuse is recorded on the police system, social welfare services are immediately notified.
Going back to the roots
A recurring trope in several cases is that either the victim or perpetrator were known to authorities, Koukouma and Superman point out.
It is one of the most frustrating problems they grapple with in trying to deal with these cases, they share.
Koukouma says there is a discrepancy between women filing an official report or informing authorities of abuse.
While it is incredibly frightening for women to speak up to begin with, if the support is not immediate from the onset, they will go back to theyr abuse.
“Women are afraid to report things, until the next time - until there is no next time and he has killed her.”
Teach girls to say ‘no’
Superman says there is a broader issue across society and “whether we like it or not, there are still gender differences and inequality.
“This creates power imbalances with men.”
As such, it is paramount not only to teach men not to demand or expect things from women, but also raise females without the goal of being liked by men.
“We should raise females with a purpose to be someone in society. Whether that’s a career or motherhood or both, it should always be a choice.”
More importantly, “we should teach girls to say no” and instil boundaries from a young age, to ensure they are far less likely to end up - and stay - in an abusive relationship.
Speaking up
Both Superman and Koukouma express their concerns about women meeting sexist stereotypes even when seeking to report abuse.
Though there has been monumental progress, they underline that it is not unheard of for women to be told to go back to their husbands and try and make up.
“This is a complete mess. The minute a woman steps into a police station there should be a support system to deal with the abuse and empower her to move forward,” Koukouma stresses.
Every case is different
Pavlou adds that there is no one size fits for all approach. “Each victim has a specific set of needs and responses that is needed.”
What she points out is missing is an effective multi-agency coordinated approach.
“This is how cases slip through the protection system and result in femicides.”
Effectively, the important aspect to focus on is that the minute something enters the system, the aim should be to prevent escalation.
“Not one institution can solve all the issues.”
As such, there should be a healthy approach to transparent discussions about improvement - rather than a focus on which authority is to blame.
“Even in the most robust system, things will go wrong. We need to be able to talk about it.”
‘It could be your daughter too’
Superman closes with an urge for people to speak out when they see or hear things. She is well aware of Cyprus “keep quiet” mentality for fear of getting in trouble.
There are cases where individuals do not want to find themselves at risk of trouble with a violent man, or be entangled in a mess. As a small island, no one can ever be entirely sure of who is connected with who and trust in institutions is already low, she points out.
But nonetheless, “speak out” she urges.
“This could be your family member one day. Your daughter, your sister. Do the right thing.”